Just a thought..

Things have been pretty hectic the past year - constant workload that's never going to stop coming until summer, constant revision that I should be doing but still having difficulty to keep up with, constant worrying which I don't exactly have the time to do but it's so much of a habit now that I just can't stop even though I keep telling everyone else not to... I thought after last year's lesson and regret I would've been able to change but I've still yet to show much improvement. It seems that third year would be just as tough as second year, if not tougher. The future doesn't seem as bright anymore ; feels likes there's a persistent dark cloud looming over all the time, and it's never going to clear up, not even after I graduate...

I just feel like this is an impossible dream for me.. I just can't imagine myself doing and knowing what all these lecturers and clinician do and know. All the responsibilities, all the information.. Not sure if I can do it.. But, there's nothing else I can do anymore.. This is what I chose to be, so I guess this is what I have to do.. There's never ever going to be enough time to revise everything, or even enjoy life. Isn't life to be enjoyed? Should we forget about the petty things and enjoy life as it is? Haiz.. Have no idea.. Don't think I'll have an enjoyable life anytime soon. Uni is soo different from what I imagined. My future worklife as well..

On the other hand, I quite enjoyed my birthday this time. Though it means I'm getting older - something that I dread fearfully - it was quite fun compared to my first birthday in the UK.. I had good company, and the shows for the Edinburgh Hogmanay wasn't too shabby this time. Quite glad that LMY came up, finally had someone to talk to in Chinese lol. Though I wished she could've stayed longer so that we had more time to talk. Hope to see her again soon.. I guess, old friends from home are incomparable to people we meet elsewhere..

Speaking about my first UK birthday, I think that was the worst feeling I ever had. Have been very depress the whole year, let alone during the Christmas holidays.. Felt so lonely, so tired from uni.. I didn't feel like I could catch up with uni and I just felt extremely jaded. But I feel like there's no one to talk to, cos no one actually saw through how bad I was feeling.. Then it was already the holidays. Dark all the time and I had to work in the cold for 2 weeks. Worst job ever. I thought I wasn't going to survive.. That was the first time I felt so depressed that I just couldn't take it and had to cry.. Hopefully I won't be in a situation like that anymore..

Well, all's in the past, and I think it's getting better now. If others can't make me happy, then I should think of ways to make myself happy. Travelling's my preferred option, but it's hard to find company and it's kinda boring after travelling by myself so often.. Don't think I'll be doing any travelling this year since I don't really have got the time. Maybe just some short day trips. But I really hope to meet Simon when he comes during summer. Really want to catch up with hime and see how he's getting on with the UK. Hope he'll enjoy his experience. Speaking of which, that Kiwi ah, really don't know what he's thinking lol. I'm just trying to be nice and help them get used to the UK. I'm just hoping they could make the transaction well when they arrive. No matter what this is a huge step for them, the UK is very different from the comforts of Malaysia.. Anyways, don't care about him lol..

Not really in the mood to celebrate CNY this time, life is just too hectic as it is to be reminiscing about the holidays. I hope to see more cny pics from my friends, it does make me happy seeing that they're having a good time. Reminds me of the good old days.. Though how it was I can't really remember it haha.

My new year resolution would be coming to an end already I think. There's just no time for me to use MSN. Last week I spent the whole weekend chatting, so was yesterday. I really enjoy it, but I just can't afford the time. Maybe I can try to limit myself, but it's really hard =.=.. Guess I can't deny that I'm a real chatterbox lol :/

Just found out a couple of days ago that Alwyn was the best in our class. Really wasn't expecting that haha. I knew he was good, but I didn't know he was THAT good lol. Yay for him and us all Asians. I wonder if I can catch up with him, or maybe beat him? Haha I think I'm thinking too far. But I feel like I could do way better than Lene though. I mean my English is good, and I think I can comprehend things well.. But she's soo much more hardworking than me ; I should be ashamed of that =.= I'll try my best this time, I've got to do better! At least I should be erm.. Better than.. Not sure who I could compare with lol. But I should be better lah, haha ^^

I remember at the beginning of the year I was quite happy that I'm in second year. I remember that I couldn't believe I was finally in second year, and I wasn't feeling as stressed as Tiff last time. I though it wasn't too bad lol. If I could keep up with my work now I hope I could still maintain that kind of positive attitude :) I'm not feeling as depressed as in first year or my repeat year, so I should do well in my studies too. I'm gonna get everything planned out properly this time and stick to it, cos I ain't gonna get a second chance anymore. I won't give myself that benefit of the doubt too.

On a lighter note, I'm feeling pumped up for the coming challenges. A bit nervous, a bit worried and excited but it doesn't feel as bad anymore. Not sure about third year but right now I'm feeling ok. So I guess I should stop wasting my time blogging and start my studying and essay later haha. May all my friends do well in their studies and work too; we're all Tigers, we're strong, we can make it!!!