Late intro

I've been going over it again and again in my head, and I decided to just let my blog go public. No harm in doing so right? Lol. Maybe it's a good idea so that more people can understand me? Plus I update it so rarely that I don't think it makes a big difference. Usually I have soo many thoughts that I couldn't or am too lazy to write all out i.e. I ended up only writing when I'm free which is quite a rarity nowadays... I'll probably have more input now since I've got plenty of free time and nothing to do everyday... =.=

For some reason I did not feel excited at all at the thought of coming back home this time; First year, I couldn't wait to come back. Second year, I was totally psyched. But now, I feel nothing... No joy, no excitement, no anticipation; Just blank like that. Maybe because I was too busy and stessed to think about it, or maybe I really don't care at all.. I only know when the time came my thoughts wer more like: oh okay , it's time to go home. Is it possible that I really did not want to come back? I'm not so sure anymore.. Or maybe because none of my summer plans came through last year and now I just don't dare to keep my hopes high anymore.. I wanted to go travelling but I didn't. I wanted to do some placements but I couldn't . I wanted to spend more time with my family but I didn't (I found it quite ridiculous that during the whole summer I only had dinner with my whole family 3 times!? i.e. when I arrived, Fathery's Day and before I left) All I know is this time I have no plans at all and will just wait and see how things turn out. I probably am going to regret not having any plans since this would most likely be my last holiday.. Oh well..

Have been back for half a week now, sitll haven't done much and starting to get bored.. Jet-lagging this year isn't too bad, but the hunger pains in the middle of the nights are.. Still waiting for my results which is rather frustrating because it's pointless for me to try and make any plans without knowing them. Should be out any day now..

It's definitely not good to fail, because after tasting failure, I have a stupid mindset that it's not that horrible anymore >.<; I could just take the resit and be fine =.= But the cost of going back for the resit is definitely unbearable.. Don't really mind the studying because I need to know the stuff anyway and don't think I'll be having and big plans so.. whatever lah.. I'm not even scared, just frustrated.. Maybe when my results DO come out I won't be as 'chilled out' as now..

Wonder if I made the right decision to choose veterinary medicine. It's freaking hard!!!!! Waaaaaay more than I could swallow >.< Seriously, why the hell did I have to choose this??? If I had taken something easier, I would've been enjoying my course and have graduated by now. Because of this decision, I'm not even half way through the course =.= I think the school should've given a better description of the course to potential students. Seriously, I dont' think half the current students knew how hard it was going to be before they signed up for this. Probaby half of us wouldn't have applied if they knew what was waiting for them.. It's just sooo physically, mentally and financially draining that it's a wonder students actually could make it to final year ~.~ Ai.. when will that day come for me???

The future seems rather bleak now.. I can only see as far as 3rd year and graduating seems like an impossible goal.. What will the future hold for the likes of us? Please, I need to see the light....

p.s. in my experience blogs seem to be very bleak quite often. Hope this won't be the case for me.. :/